You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
