hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
