Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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