I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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