Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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