Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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