im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
