i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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