Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
