Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
nutella sex= disaster
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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