I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
