hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
