she smelled like a LAN party
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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