I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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