moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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