She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
