Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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