just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
