Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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