this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
