Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
