I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
