I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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