if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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