i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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