I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
