How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm passing your future prison.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
