Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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