it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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