Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
