Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
