I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
