please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
