That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
