dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
