I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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