It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
