Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
