from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
