I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
