I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
