i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
