So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
