I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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