Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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