Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
