I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
