I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
