Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
