We named our party play list daddy issues
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
